Easy cover, a much-needed beer, and fin.
Monday, March 26, 2012
UH OHHHHHHHH!!1!
Shit going down in the final minute .... a little wrestling underneath (even after Baylor fucked me with a walk-on party). 3 zebras checking the monitors for flagrants ... taking forever. Now playing: "241" by Reel Big Fish. So there's that
...
And no fouls at all, after 8 min of delib. Sweet. 20 sec to cover.
Oh dear ...
My sweet, awkward girlfriend just said Griner "walks (in the lane) sort of like a monkey." Let's ... find another descriptor, dear.
Big vols run, down 11 w momentum and i am fucked, i am sure.
Only 8 more minutes??!?
Baylor has signs with pictures of their own players on the front and "Student Employment" on the back. Griner has a million blocks, and i errrr Baylor is up 19. Now the UT dog (voldog?) is rolling over male cheerleaders, Gozer has returned to Earth, and i am inches closer to being covered wit zee goo. Jesus H.
Rawrrrrr
At the under 12, back to 11 for BU ... shit is getting REAL, chippy play and even some ref dancing on calls. Mostly awkward 3 sec calls and brutal confusion over out of bounds. I want a bottle of wine and a shot to the face w a shovel.
Sweet!
6-0 run vols and i am back to self-mutilation ... fast timeout sponsored by wheat thins, which now come in buffalo flavor. Bold ass muthafuckin wheat thins.
Worth noting ...
No line to piss ... and also i felt more awkward photographing the bathroom entrance than mocking children. Mileage may vary.
Go BU! GO BU!
Holy shit, Baylor by 15 at half. Fuck yes, America. The halftime entertainment is a local dance troupe of girls age 6 to 11, which is weird as hell. Also they are kind of terrible, which i don't even feel bad saying given the circumstances.
I am super glad there is no beer, because i am certainly not bored by below-the-rim basketball.
Un-Whoops
Baylor is now up 10 ... i have no idea how. They are running the vaunted zero-cut offense - looooooots of standing around. Tennessee has the better plan ... doesn't matter at all. Very much like middle school, the tall kid is crushing.
Under 8...
The Baylor Bear is ripped as shit. I would not start a forest fire. My bet looks marginally better ...20-14. Baylor plays a worse offense than my men's league team.
Under 12 TO...
...And i am already sick of espn. SO MANY STOPPAGES GOD. Baylor's coach is wearing a white pantsuit fresh out of the Nancyp Reagan Collection ... if she dances i bet we have to sing the Ellen theme.
Whoops!
At the under 16 to, 9-4 UT ... Baylor's offense blows. UT can't miss a jumpshot, and the goddamn bears are 0-for-ever in the paint even though they have a frigging freak of nature underneath. I hate my bet.
More or Less
The crowd is a little bigger than i expected, and probably 70% pro-UT. It is also at least 75% female ... lots of moms and daughters, and also lots of people who play-act mom and daughter. Griner is a legit head taller than everyone, and already has a block. Sick.
OH NOOOO
Problem no. 1: the coke cup.
No alcohol served. At all. Even in the club seats.
UNI is the host school, meaning those abominable dickfaces made this decision. It will not be forgotten.
MARCH MADNESS! On a ... Monday? Oh.
Welllll ... apparently I'm heading to view the "Elite" 8 game tonight, the local matchup between Baylor and Tennessee. I did what any responsible person would do: find a way to gamble on it so that I at least carry the appearance of caring. The line started at -12, which was exactly what Massey had it at - I figured $50 would be enough to at least keep me interested. (Also it took me a while to find a place that would take my wager - nearly derailed the entire evening! OH NOES)
I wanted to run UT, since Baylor is just an unlikeable group as a whole, but the line moved to 11.5, and VALUE VALUE VALUE.
I can't turn down a half point, so yeah. I'll post fantastical things from the arena, while begging for shutdown defense and SOUL-CRUSHING one-handed jams by very tall women. And beers. So, so many beers. I look forward to backdoor passes, front door layups, and asking questions like "When was the last time somebody took a 15-footer from the wing?" Also laughing at "backdoor" because I am a child.
I wanted to run UT, since Baylor is just an unlikeable group as a whole, but the line moved to 11.5, and VALUE VALUE VALUE.
I can't turn down a half point, so yeah. I'll post fantastical things from the arena, while begging for shutdown defense and SOUL-CRUSHING one-handed jams by very tall women. And beers. So, so many beers. I look forward to backdoor passes, front door layups, and asking questions like "When was the last time somebody took a 15-footer from the wing?" Also laughing at "backdoor" because I am a child.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Remember: This is only a test.
OK - I'm looking to experiment with a new blog style for this particular March Madness, and seeing what will be easiest to upload to (assuming pictures are even legal in this sort of situation, I'm unsure).
So to get us started, some brief noise on the "First Four" games (an abominable idea - are you Facebook-pissed about Joseph Kony? Act like a grown up and direct your anger toward something appropriate, like the "First Four" shit circus) ... the Vegas lines seem right on, so far, although there's a chance Cal is underrated. Lamar was probably undervalued until ESPN took a dump on everyone's weekend by trying to make the Knight family look like college basketball's emotional martyrs, which is such a fucking joke I can't even fathom how to mock it. Whatever. Fuck you, ESPN. Favorites are underlined, hopefully (since the whole point of this worthless exercise is to make sure that kind of shit works):
Lamar v. Vermont
Vegas: 3
Massey: 3
KenPom: 2.5
Both of these teams are probably way better than people think, but still not good.
Cal v. South Florida
Vegas: 2
Massey: 1
KenPom: 4.5
Since I've been accused of blowing Pomeroy's numbers, I'll probably run this in favor of Cal. Maybe I'll even wear the Cal sweatshirt I stole from a girl in college! She never touched my penis either way.
BYU v. Iona
Vegas: 2
Massey: 1
KenPom: 1.5
Number of times Iona's outrageously good KenPom stats were mistaken by me for Iowa: 40949040
WKU v. MVSU
Vegas: 4.5
Massey: 5 (rounded, likely)
KenPom: 4.5
If possible, I would vote on this game finishing at exactly 4.5. Also I love March Madness and watched like 17 championship games, and had to look up what the MVSU acronym stood for. Jesus Christ.
Also, this may or may not be relevant to gambling (IT IS), but it's definitely relevant to my Opening Weekend:
So to get us started, some brief noise on the "First Four" games (an abominable idea - are you Facebook-pissed about Joseph Kony? Act like a grown up and direct your anger toward something appropriate, like the "First Four" shit circus) ... the Vegas lines seem right on, so far, although there's a chance Cal is underrated. Lamar was probably undervalued until ESPN took a dump on everyone's weekend by trying to make the Knight family look like college basketball's emotional martyrs, which is such a fucking joke I can't even fathom how to mock it. Whatever. Fuck you, ESPN. Favorites are underlined, hopefully (since the whole point of this worthless exercise is to make sure that kind of shit works):
Lamar v. Vermont
Vegas: 3
Massey: 3
KenPom: 2.5
Both of these teams are probably way better than people think, but still not good.
Cal v. South Florida
Vegas: 2
Massey: 1
KenPom: 4.5
Since I've been accused of blowing Pomeroy's numbers, I'll probably run this in favor of Cal. Maybe I'll even wear the Cal sweatshirt I stole from a girl in college! She never touched my penis either way.
BYU v. Iona
Vegas: 2
Massey: 1
KenPom: 1.5
Number of times Iona's outrageously good KenPom stats were mistaken by me for Iowa: 40949040
WKU v. MVSU
Vegas: 4.5
Massey: 5 (rounded, likely)
KenPom: 4.5
If possible, I would vote on this game finishing at exactly 4.5. Also I love March Madness and watched like 17 championship games, and had to look up what the MVSU acronym stood for. Jesus Christ.
Also, this may or may not be relevant to gambling (IT IS), but it's definitely relevant to my Opening Weekend:
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